Moving Through the Loss of a Child
Losing a child is one of the worst possible life events to imagine. It is even harder to live through it. The pain and guilt you feel is unbearable or feels that way at least. Finding a way to move forward, becomes a daily struggle. Before you know it years have passed and looking back what do you see? If the answer is anything other than survival and or success, it might be time for a new approach.
As a mother who has lived this devastating event, I know the struggle to find that one thing (or many things) that will help you cope. Although we are all different in many ways, we can all come through this tragedy. Some use faith, family, medicine, therapy or any number of coping methods. I personally chose inspiration, and let my grief inspire me to become more.
Let me start at the beginning, not to tell my sob story, but to show a path to success. In 2008 I was a single parent of four children, aged 6 months, 2, 3, and 14 years. My children were and still are my world. I had not finished high school, I had a minimal education, so I was working as a bartender at night to pay the bills and let me be with my children, in their awake hours. This is when my world ended, and my new life began. Ten days after my son turned 2, I returned home from a night at work to find he had passed away during the night. Coroners best guess a cardio arrhythmia. I thought my world was over. My little boy was gone and I couldn’t make it better for myself or my remaining children. I won’t lie, I still have moments when the feeling seizes me today, but only occasionally. I went through all of the emotions, I think any mother experiences with this type of loss. First came overbearing grief, that changed into denial, anger, and guilt. Guilt was the one that changed my life though. Though I know now that this tragedy was not my fault, nor could I have changed the outcome in any way, during my time of grief I was convinced I should have done better. So that is what I did.
With three other children who needed a mother who was not shattered, I used my grief to inspire me to be better. I wanted to be sure that my children would have a mother to be proud of and that they would always be protected. Now if you ask my children (especially my 13-year-old daughter) I go too far in the protection department, but that is my job. Holding to my faith and the belief that my son and I will see each other in our next life, I set out to give him someone he would be proud to see again. I enrolled in college, (taking most of my classes online) and through the support of the great man I married in 2009, I have earned my Associate and Bachelor degrees. Through all of my schooling, I have thankfully been fortunate enough to be home with my children. Not only have I been able to support them through every step they have taken, they have supported and inspired me to continue to be more. My journey is far from over and I look forward to what the future holds for all of us.
My son is still and will forever be in my daily thoughts, however, instead of feeling grief, I feel hope and happiness. I know that when we meet again, he will be proud of his mommy and who I have become. I still have days when I am sad that he is not here and I will forever miss him, but knowing that I am making him and my other children proud inspires me to keep moving forward and always aspire to be the best I can be.
We all deal with loss in our own way. Each of us has our own battles to overcome. Through our differences though, we all have one common thread, love. Letting this love for our lost one inspire our future, can propel us to achieve great things. Not inspire us to be rich and famous, just to be our very best and always try to be more. More than we were a year ago, a month ago, yesterday, it doesn’t matter, just more. Too many times people are told to move on and let the person go, to get over it. Well, I say get inspired and in such be inspiring.
I hope you all have an inspired day, and every day to come is filled with immense love and inspiration for the future. Get inspired to inspire my friends.