We All Live Our Battles

Good evening all. I hope you are all having a marvelous week. Tonight I have decided to repeat a topic that I wrote about a while ago. With May being Mental Health Awareness month, I thought it would be a good time to remind the world, that no matter how together the person you see every day at the office seems, they could be fighting a hidden battle that they are not secure enough to share with the world.

I shared with you in my previous post that I am bipolar and that this mental illness has caused me some very high and low moments in my life. Today, I am not writing as a bipolar person, but as a mother who is watching her child suffer through so many of the things I have had to because of this illness. It is one thing to take the stresses and pains myself, I can handle it. It is a completely different story to watch my child suffer through this and have no control or way to help.

The Way Bipolar Really Feels

For those of you who do not know what bipolar is, let me explain it. Bipolar is a mental illness that causes manic and depressive episodes. Manic episodes are those times when a bipolar person may feel extremely happy, full of energy, on top of the world. Depressive episodes are quite the reverse, they cause sadness, anger, fear, and then self-loathing for having all of the before mentioned feelings. These different episodes can last for a day, days, weeks, or months. At times as I have experienced many times, depending on the stresses one is facing, a person suffering through this can have manic and depressive episodes in the same day.

Let me explain this in a way that may make more sense. I have had days where I had so much energy that I woke up early and by the time my children got up for school, my whole house was clean. I have then taken my children to school and on the way home had my depressive mood hit, leaving me driving home in tears. Arriving home all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and I became extremely angry because I could not just shut the world out. I had things I had to take care of. Being the person I am, I immediately felt guilty for having these thoughts and that took me back to tears.

Bipolar has left me feeling alone in a room full of family and friends. The hardest part o this illness is that not many people understand it. Therefore talking about it is almost impossible. I try to talk about it, just to have to explain what it is and that leads off the subject and the cycle starts again. Now I have to watch as my child spirals down this road. All I can do is be there as support while different medicines are tested, to find one that helps relieve some of the symptoms.

Be a Light in This Dark World

In honor of Mental Health Awareness, I am asking each of you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes before you judge them. Before you say that person screaming at nothing walking down the street is crazy, take the time to consider what path they may have just walked. Think about what they must be suffering to bring them to their current spot.

If you are like me and suffer in silence with the racing thoughts, mood swings that make you want to pull your hair out, or feelings that do not fit your current situation, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am here to listen to anyone who is suffering in silence or just needs an ear. I will not judge you, I will not question you. I will just listen. Reach out and let me give you a hand up.

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