Missing a Piece of Me

Tonight as our country mourns the loss of so many innocent lives, I prepare myself for one of the toughest days of the year for me. The other is in exactly ten days. 

Tomorrow is my son’s birthday. While this should be a happy day to celebrate another year with my child, for me it is a bittersweet day. I will be celebrating his birthday, unfortunately though, without him. Which brings me to the other day that is unbearable for me, the day he grew his wings.

I feel selfish as this day nears and I am sad because I have so much and believe me I am so thankful to God for what I have in life. However, each year these two days tear me apart and no matter how hard I try to overcome them or find a silver lining, I fall apart at this time of year. 

 

I am thankful every day for what I have in my life. This experience has brought so much more meaning to showing those I love that I love them today, because tomorrow isn’t promised. I am glad I have always believed in this motto. I have always told my children I loved them before I leave, before they go to bed, and many times throughout the day (often times more than they would like). 

Because of this ritual, I can say the last words I said to my son were I love you and kissing him before I went to work. Though I did not know when I left that it would be the last time I saw him alive. I am thankful that I told him these words. So, I would like to tell all of you out there to grab hold of the moment and make every moment important. Say I love you and mean it. Let your friends and family know what they mean to you, because you may not have another chance to.

My heart goes out to all of those who are having to say goodbye to their loved ones because of senseless acts of hatred. May God give you the strength to find peace with the loss, and may God give our country the strength it needs to stand up to the hatred that is being fed daily.

I know my son is in a better place and that he does not have to suffer the evils of this world, but this knowledge does not make the loss hurt any less. My little boy grew his wings 10 days after his 2nd birthday. Two years was not enough time but I know that he was not mine to keep. I know he was lent to me until god needed his angel back. I am comforted to know that I packed so much love into those two years that he was probably tired of it by the time he went home. 

August 17th marks 11 years since my baby boy took flight and each year I feel his loss. Every day as I watch my other children grow I wonder what he would be doing. Would he have been playing the PlayStation or watching videos like his siblings or would he be reading a book like his mother?  

 

Though I will never forget my little boy and life will always feel empty, I am comforted in the thought that he is up there in heaven waiting on us to one day join him. 

With these thoughts, I leave you tonight, Love immensely and express that love with all of your heart. Never leave without letting them know you love them, whether it is your children, spouse, family, or friends, let them know what they mean to you now, while you can. 

As always my friends inspire to be inspired and never forget to look for the beauty in the least obvious places. 

Thank you all for your continued support.

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5 thoughts on “Missing a Piece of Me”

  1. I am truly sad for you. It must be the only thing, losing a child when faith could be in danger. I know your son is in better place but the pain of losing him must be terrible. May he rest in pece as the arms of Jesus hold him. my love to you.

  2. My prayers are with you, that the peace of Christ will envelope you and bring you comfort. Anniversaries of loss are so tough. I am nearing one myself. In a couple weeks it will be the anniversary of the death of a dear friend of mine. I also lost my younger brother at a young age many years ago. It always amazes how the pain is still there, still so fresh, still so real even though so much time has passed. My heart aches for you. This is the one thing my loss has given me, empathy for others who have lost loved ones. Know that I am shedding tears right now knowing the pain you must feel. My words feel inadequate. Blessings to you.

    1. Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. I am sorry for your loss as well. I agree with you that loss is something that gives you more insight into the feelings of the world around you. I felt this when I lost my mom and brother at a young age. I didn’t experience the true faith bending extent though until I lost my son. I feel for every person that has lost someone they care about even more now because I know with every loss a parent has lost a child. I have grown quite dependent on my faith through the recovery process and know that he is in a better place, this silver lining evades me though at this time of year. Thank you so much for your support and may God bless you in your coming anniversary. My prayers are with you for strength and peace.

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