Good afternoon all. I hope you are all having a fabulous week. Today I find myself in a bit of a need for help from you my readers. As many of you know I suffer from bipolar and in such try to promote a positive outlook on life and support throughout my posts and in my everyday life. I have found that it helps me immensely to overcome the symptoms that I face.
This works for me, most of the time. Until recently, I have found that helping others and writing daily helped me to keep the nagging depression that accompanies my mental illness at bay. However, the last few weeks have been really pushing the limits of my positivity.
Actually, if I am honest, I feel like I am drowning and cannot find my way to the surface. Here arises my need for your help today.
I know I am not the only person who suffers through these battles. I have done the research and understand the vast number of people who deal with the effects of bipolar in worse cases than mine. So, I thought I would reach out and find out how others deal with the complications their illness causes them.
While therapy is always the recommended place for conversing about these matters, I find it a bit cold and counterproductive at times like these, when I have reached my limit. I have turned to my faith and find it struggling in this particular crisis as well. I know that there is nothing our creator cannot overcome, however, I think he is sending me a sign that I need to reach out and not fight this battle alone.
For those of you who are not familiar with bipolar, here is a brief explanation of my illness. First, I must say that each person’s illness is different and I am not by any means saying that mine is typical of what every one else goes through with this disease.
Bipolar for me is a daily struggle with depression, fear, insecurities, happiness that is followed by unexplained anger, mood changes in seconds, racing thoughts and hyper activity followed by the lack of desire to even move much less function. For me this disease has been an education in self awareness and reading my own signs of distress. I have days where I feel normal, then there are the days where I can barely pull myself out of bed. I have manic days and depressive days.
Manic days are those when I feel like I am on cloud nine. The world is mine and I have so much energy that I feel I could go forever. During these days I have an immense joy for the life I live and the gifts God has brought into my life.
Then the depressive days hit. These days are those in which getting out of bed is almost painful, literally. I cry for the tiniest things, my moods shift from moment to moment. These are the days that make me feel the worst. Not for myself, but for the damage it does to my children. While they all know about my illness and understand parts of it, they do not understand when their mommy is laughing and happy then in a matter of minutes screaming and blinded by anger over nothing at all.
Thankfully, through treatment, meds, and an amazing group of friends and family, I have been able to have fewer and fewer of these mood changes. However, of late I have noticed that that black cloud is forming and I cannot find the silver lining.
I feel like I am letting my children down, my work is suffering and most of all I am letting myself down. For this reason, I am turning to all of you and asking for help. How do you cope with life? We all have days when life gets to us and we have to find a way to overcome the feelings. You do not have to be bipolar to suffer disappointments, depression, or any of the other things life throws your way. I want to know what helps you get through those days that seem like nothing is right? How do you find your silver lining?
To those of you who are suffering through any kind of mental illness, know that you are not alone. We need to all support each other and understand that this is not just a self pity party. Mental illness is real and support is the key to overcoming its destructive patterns. Thank you all for your continued support and may you have a blessed and inspired day and rest of your week.
As always, inspire to be inspired.