Beginnings Are Difficult

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Good day, all. I hope your week has gone marvelously and wish you all a weekend full of blessings, hope, and never ending inspiration. 

I mentioned in my last post that I would be changing the content of my page to address the mental and physical affects of mental and emotional abuse on a person. I apologize for the delay in getting this first post written. This topic is highly personal to me and it has taken a great toll to even be able to start this new venture. However, I believe that this is something everyone needs to be aware of and that it will help many out there who are going through or have gone through these terrible forms of abuse. 

I want to start this first post out by saying that I am not a doctor, mental health professional, or expert on this subject matter and that any content within my page is my own opinion and based on my personal experiences with abuse. I do not intend this blog to diagnose or treat any mental illness nor do I represent that any of my content should be taken as an example of what to or not to do in any mental or physical abuse situation. My intention is simply to share my personal experiences with the hope that it will help others know that they are not alone and that there is help available.

Now that the legal aspects are out of the way, let’s delve into my life, shall we. I will give a warning that some of my future posts will contain information and reference that may be hard or disturbing to read. But this type of abuse is disturbing and hard to live through, so it is natural that the two would go hand in hand. 

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels

If you are still with me, thank you for sharing this mental health journey.

Before I can tell my struggles I need everyone to understand what I mean by physical and mental abuse. While I know abuse is different for every person and situation, one thing that is always the same is that it is abuse and there is a way out.  That being said, let me explain the definitions that pertain to my abuse. 

Physical Abuse: My personal physical abuse has included being beaten from head to toe by a man’s fists, having my front tooth broken into my lip when my father (well the person I thought was my father for most of my childhood) backhanded me, having things thrown at me, being molested as a child by several family members and family friends and rape. It is important to understand that you do not have to experience all or any of these circumstances to be a victim of physical abuse. These are my examples, but there are many more types of physical abuse and some that might not even seem like abuse at the time, but they are.

Mental Abuse: Mental abuse is a bit harder to explain but with the same devastating results, though the scars last much longer. For me, mental abuse has entailed my father figure telling me how horrible I was. This was followed by my mother telling me I needed to lose wait at the age of 15 so that I could be the skinny girl she remembered before she sent me to live with my sister’s father. This, in turn, led to eating disorders (but that is a subject for another blog). Mental abuse for me also included husbands telling me how I was stupid, dumb, dressed wrong, needed to look like others, to change the way I did things or looked. There were always daily insults about something I did or didn’t do. This led to self-doubt, insecurity, feelings of self-loathing, and internalized blame, depression, anxiety, and many other mental traumas that were added to my daily bipolar existence. Again, these are not by any means the only forms of mental abuse that there are, they are just a sample of what mental abuse has been for me. 

These two types of abuse will be spotlighted in my future blog posts. I will dive into my daily life and the ways I survived these traumas. I hope that these stories will help others like myself who have dealt with these abuses or are still facing them today.

I will not promise that this journey is going to be easy. Because my posts will be hard to read at times and even harder to write. However, I will promise that this journey will be a step towards a better tomorrow. While my story will not help eliminate these abuses, I hope it will help those suffering to step out of their traumas (even if just for a moment) and to realize that no matter how bad things seem, there is a way out. 

For anyone out there suffering any kind of abuse, please know that you are not alone and that you are worthy of a better future. Tomorrow can be brighter, we just have to find our way through the clouds.

As always, inspire to be inspired, and never stop moving forward because no one owns your tomorrow but you.

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