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  • Achieving,  Belonging,  future,  Inspiration,  loss,  Love,  Poetry,  romance,  sorrow,  writing

    I Am Choosing Me


    Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash
    I do not want to be here I am tired of the pain
    Your indifference and the solitude is making me insane
    I feel trapped in this abyss that has become my heart
    Your words have me drowning, they are tearing me apart
    I cry for the future and cry for the past
    I wonder how long I can truly last
    I am slowly dying from the pain that is destroying my mind
    You never seem to notice are you really, truly blind
    Your words are like daggers they cut me to the bone
    The tears that I cry, are ones you have never known
    Not because you do not see them but because you do not care
    Though you are with me it is though you are not even there
    I am tired of crying, my tears I will wipe clean
    My spirit is waking, longing to be seen
    If you will not reach me I will have to let you go
    I am choosing to live, I just thought you should know
    I have waited for something that I hoped would come to be
    I waited too long hoping you would finally see
    Your eyes have not opened and my mind has paid the price
    Well I am done paying, I am done playing nice
    If you will not see me and show me the way
    Then my time I am taking and goodbye I will say
    I hoped for a future that is clearly impossible to reach
    Now I am reaching for a solution that a lesson could not to teach
    My time was not wasted nor will I regret
    I have treasured many moments I will not soon forget
    But I move on to a horizon that for me has time to spare
    To find a path with room enough for me to share
    Not to walk alone without love by my side
    I have decided I no longer want to run and hide
    I will face this truth strongly and use its power to grow
    I am choosing myself and I just thought you should know
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  • family,  Inspiration,  loss,  Poetry,  remembering,  sorrow

    Calling Home

    My voice is echoing, it keeps calling your name,

    My heart is aching, looking for a reason, myself I continue to blame,

    You were so young my dear, only two years of life had you seen,

    You were gone in a heartbeat, no explanation of what this would mean,

    The world turned to darkness the day you went away,

    Nothing really mattered, except the question of why you could not stay,

    I have asked that question more times than I care to admit,

    I have prayed for an answer, still waiting, still here I sit,

    What I would not give to hold you to have you cradled in my hands,

    To see the young man you would turn into, instead emptiness in front of me stands,

    I know my precious angel, one day your face I will see,

    Until then my darling I carry you here close to me,

    In my heart you have a home, the piece of you no one can steal,

    The love that is there is forever, always, and real,

    Though at times I wish I could call you home to me,

    I will see you again, when my soul has been set free.

  • Achieving,  family,  future,  Inspiration,  loss,  parenting,  remembering,  sorrow,  world

    Unopened Presents

    Good morning all. It is that time of year again. The stockings are all hung up and presents are wrapped. If you are like my family, they are hiding in the closet because the 3-year-old wants to open them all. It is also the time of year where I always realize that there will always be an empty stocking on the mantel and unopened presents under the tree.

    This is the time of year I feel the absence of my son the most. He would be 12-years-old this year. He would probably be playing on his phone and ignoring everyone, like my 13-year-old does. However, I will never know.

    It has been 10 years now since my little boy earned his wings and not a day goes by that I do not miss him. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, the time of year I looked forward to the most. Now, though I still love the time of year, I am always saddened to know that he won’t be opening those presents under the tree.

    We always make sure he is included in our celebrations though. We hang a cardinal on the tree and there is one in the flowers decorating the dining room table. In our house, we view cardinals as angels from heaven, so we always have a place for him, albeit in our hearts. He is represented.

    I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season. No matter your beliefs or where you are from, have a wonderful season and may your new year be full of inspiration and success.